JORGE RODRIGUES SIMAO

A fireman is lamenting his fate to an acquaintance at the bar. "One day I had to fight a house fire and I saved a family's two dogs. Do you think anyone remembers? Another time my colleagues and I suffered severe smoke inhalation saving an old church from severe damage. Not one person ever mentions this. I also risked my life entering a burning house to save three children. I almost died. Does anyone remember this? Not that I am aware of. "But the only time lever cursed and kicked a barking dog, it turned out to be the mayor's dog," continued the fireman. "Someone saw me do it and told everyone in town. Do you think anyone has forgotten this?" The moral of this story is straightforward: Good deeds are seldom remembered and bad deeds are seldom forgotten. The ideal, of course, would be the converse. No such luck - reality intrudes again!

The key is to be realistic when you perform your act of kindness for someone. Don't expect anyone to remember your good deed forever. Self-delusion about the amount of payback you are going to receive from doing someone a great favor can lead to severe disappointment and dejection.

Besides, the fact that some good deeds aren't forgotten can be to your detriment. According to some unknown wise person, "If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you - the next time he is in need." In other words, be too generous and some people may look at your good deeds as their right - instead of a privilege for which they should be extremely grateful.

You should not avoid doing good deeds, however, simply because most of them will be forgotten and some of the ones remembered may be to your detriment. A good person performs many good deeds out of sheer selfishness - simply because the world works a whole lot better when people do great things for each other.

This issue may arise: Should you break your friendships when certain friends forget that you have performed more good deeds for them than they have done for you? Remember that even the best of friends have faults. "To find a friend one must dose one eye. To keep him... two," according to British author Norman Douglas. Given that friends make life worth living, you may have to overlook the fact that certain friends don't perform as many acts of kindness for you as you perform for them.

The key to a happy and fulfilling life is not to focus all your time and energy on yourself. If you remain focused on how little people appreciate your good deeds, you are likely to become miserable. By all means, perform your act of kindness, but don't expect the recipient to remember it forever regardless of how beneficial the act of kindness is to him or her.

"Act with kindness," Confucius told us, "but do not expect gratitude." The key is to have faith in the spiritual principle that when you do wonderful things for others, even more wonderful things will come back to you in the future when you least expect them.

Realistically, whenever you perform an act of kindness, don’t expect the recipient's gratitude to last longer than the moment they say thank you. Not to say there aren't rare people who may remember the good deed for a long time. That's a bonus. Generally speaking, think of your good deeds as something you.’ have done to make the world work better and to make yourself feel good about yourself. Forget your acts of kindness to others as quickly as possible, however - because most everyone else will.