JORGE RODRIGUES SIMAO

Do you take many of the things others say about you or do to you personally?  Assuming that you are like most people, I would venture to say that the answer is a resounding yes.  As a matter of course we all have a natural tendency to overreact to certain actions of other human beings.  Taking things personally is more proof of our selfishness. Each and every one of us who takes things personally believes on some level or another that "this world is all about me." To be sure, it's all too easy to take things personally. But you must learn how not to take what others think, say or do personally if happiness is one of your goals. Whether it's getting overlooked for an invitation to an important event, being cut off in traffic, or receiving bad service in a restaurant, don't look at any of these events as an attack or personal slight on you by others. Truth be known, they are doing it to everyone else.

Putting things in the best possible way think of the person who cuts you off in traffic - along with millions of others on this planet who commit similar acts - as not having had an infinite capacity for decency, particularly regarding manners and consideration for others. In fact, there is something superficially pro0und about the number of people who can be so inconsiderate. On second thought, maybe not.

After all, the world can be an aloof, self-centered, and disrespectful place. Many people go about their business without much regard for us as individuals. They may not play by our rules because they think their rules are the right ones. For the sake of argument, if for nothing else, we can say these people are just as self-centered in going about their business as we are self-centered in hoping they will pay us more respect.

It follows that it's pointless to get angry with someone who doesn't give you the consideration and respect that you think you deserve. Granted, you want a world in which everyone is as considerate as you. Trust me, this isn't about to happen.

The key to not taking things personally is realizing that nothing that other people do to you is because of you. On the contrary, it is because of themselves - because of their selfishness, in other words. Thus, why get upset about an unreturned phone call from an inconsiderate person who undoubtedly doesn't return calls to anyone else?

You can overcome the frustration of what others think, say, or do by refusing to accept any disrespectful act against you as a personal affront to you. Just remind yourself, "I expect her to behave that way because she is doing it to others. It has nothing to do with me. And even if she is not doing it to others, i don't need her respect and approval”. This approach will eliminate any self-inflicted frustration and disappointment that arise when you expect more reasonable behavior.

The next time someone cuts you off in traffic, don't assume that the jerk is rude only to you. Truth be told, he is rude to everybody - even his mother. If his parents in twenty-five years didn't teach him to be considerate to others, how are you going to do it if you happen to catch up with him and yell at him for a minute or two?

Fact is, the jerk that cut you off in traffic has already cut off five other people in the previous ten minutes and will cut off another five in the next ten minutes. Some of the people he has cut off or will cut off are no doubt more accomplished, famous, or successful than you. If the jerk didn't give these accomplished individuals better treatment, why should you expect it?

Let's put things in proper perspective. When we take what others think, say, or do personal1y, these people haven’t offended or hurt us. We have allowed them to do so. To avoid being hurt by people, we must acknowledge that human beings aren’t perfect. People possess a large number of negative traits that lead to inconsiderate and disgusting actions. Learn to ignore disrespectful actions knowing very well that these people are doing it to many others. After all, the theory goes, they can't help it. It's their nature to be that way!